Geek Movie Review: Titanic 3D (& unlikely geek connections)

Like millions of other men in the world I was mostly-unwillingly dragged to the theatrical re-release of one of the top-grossing movies of all time, Titanic.  James Cameron (Terminator, Avatar) apparently felt that he didn’t want his “epic” tale to be left behind with so many other movies coming back to theatres in 3D.

 

This review won’t focus much on the movie for the following reasons: One, if you don’t already know what this movie is then you don’t give a damn.  Two, this movie is boring (from a story perspective) the only interesting parts are the parts already existing; the sinking of the ship.

 

What this review will focus on is the unlikely connections to geek culture this movie has.

 

Starting with possibly the coolest connection we have Bernard Hill who plays Captain Edward James Smith in Titanic but is probably better known to this crowd as King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings movies.  He also had a role in the epic video game Fable III as the voice of Sir Walter (the Hero’s teacher and guide).

 

Bernard Hill is as badass as a Captain and a King

Playing the intrepid loot seeker in the movie is Bill Paxton, better known to the geek community as Private Hudson from sci-fi classic Aliens.  In Titanic he’s stoic and greedy, in Aliens he’s a gun-toting, raw-talking, badass marine who totally wigs out.

 

Bill Paxton is kind of an idiot

Someone whose appearance I had completely overlooked in the past was that of Ioan Gruffudd as 5th Officer Harold Lowe.  He’s quite well known now as Mr. Fantastic in the two Fantastic Four movies.  They might have been terrible (at least the second one) but geektastic nonetheless.

 

He was always a hero whether searching for survivors or fighting Dr. Doom

Last, and certainly least, among the geek-connected actors from Titanic is the man, the myth, the legend: Billy Zane.  While watching him over act I began to wonder, whatever happened to Billy Zane?  Then I realized I didn’t care.  He was decent in The Phantom where he played a gun-toting hero (made me wonder why he was such a bad shot when trying to kill Rose and Jack on Titanic) but he never amounted to much as an actor.

 

He was always just a douche with a gun

I guess I should talk a little about the movie itself…I guess.  So, it’s in 3D.  If you get off on that kind of thing then you’ll probably enjoy it, but for the rest of us it was a lot like watching Tron: Legacy in 3D.  There ain’t much 3D action goin on.  The most 3D about the movie was when they walked past some ropes of cables and they “leapt off the screen” at me.

 

Being someone who has never been impressed with 3D movies I’m a tough sell on the technology.  To me it’s laughable that it has migrated to television and people actually pay more to have it.  But, such is life and such is people being stupid and wasteful.

 

If they had released Titanic without the 3D “additions” I still would have been dragged to see it, I just wouldn’t have had to wedge glasses over my glasses to watch it.

 

This is your Bin Fodder Guru Tim Blacksmith signing off.

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3 Comments

  1. Floonoo McFlooneeLoo

    Titanic blows. 3D can be good but isn’t worth one drop of the hype that has suddenly erupted over it. I re watched Episode 1 in 3D but only so my children could say that they saw a Star Wars movie in theaters some day not because the 3D was worth a damn.

  2. The stars being digital changed because Cameron was told he was wrong is pretty geeky.

  3. I just have one thing to say: “Calling – Rajesh Koothrappali”.

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