October is in the air, and Halloween is just around the corner. If you’re awesome you treat Halloween like the WorldCon where everyone participates in the cosplay. I’ll be rocking a Walter White costume with my kids (I wanted to dress them as little meth addicts and make them carry around ziplock bags of blue rock candy but some people may frowny face at that). We at the D-A-G are no different and will be spitting out fun with guns all ‘Tober long. Getting the macabre ball rolling tonight with the 8 Geekiest Ways To Die.
8. Costume- Before you cram yourself into that Venom suit or spray paint your skinny body gold for some weird interpretation of C3PO, or even attempt to make one of those crumby costumes Dan Akroyd pitched on that classic SNL sketch (Human Torch = A bag of oily rags and a lighter), think first. Will this cut off my circulation and am I so susceptible to peer review that I won’t acknowledge my discomfort and actually die to a costume? It’s happened. And if it happens to you, not only are you proof of “Survival of the Fittest” but you are a geek. Though geek is good, there are limits to it’s goodness.
7. Starcraft- Koreans have a history of letting Starcraft rule their lives. I don’t know if escaping into the fictional world of the MMO is just so much better than living in Korea that they are attempting to escape into it like it’s real, forgetting to eat and drink until they are dead. But that is why being Korean is the seventh geekiest way to die… I mean Starcaft.
5. Convention Floor- Being trampled to death on the floor of a comic convention would be unfortunate if it happened before you got to see the Joss Whedon panel or show off your exclusives. But as long as you got that part of your experience over with this would be a way to go you could be proud of. Smashed to pieces by feet in flip flops and various cosplay costumes. Vampirella Stiletto to the eye. You’re dead.
4. Death By Wedgie- It would have to be the most intense wedgie of all time and your underwear would have to made of an incredibly high thread count to bring about your demise. But if it happens, then you have earned your spot here at the for slot.
3. Crushed To Death By Comic Boxes- This is serious. Comic boxes are heavy and they pose a serious threat to us all. If you live beyond the first floor of an old apartment complex the sheer weight of your huge collection could cause the entire building to collapse not only murdering you to a bloody and undesirable death, but possibly killing your 76-year-old neighbor as well. That’s not cool. Don’t live on the second floor if you have a huge comic collection, and PLEASE, be careful when pulling from the lower stacks.
2. Trying To Fly- Maybe you’re trying to make an Iron Man suit and maybe you don’t accidentally set yourself on fire or electrocute yourself. Obviously your next move is to climb up to the top of your roof and try to fly off. You’re a geek well before you die at this point. But if you attempt this, or a batman suit, or just believe you have super powers and find out the hard way you don’t then you earned a spot at number two for geekiest ways to die.
1. The Sarlacc Pit- Finally, back by popular demand, the number one geekiest way to die… the sarlacc pit. First off you earn geek cred for making it all the way to Star Wars. Then you suffer the misfortune of stepping into the giant gaping hole with teeth while carelessly wondering in the desert on Tatooine. While you are being slowly digested, possibly for years if you’re wearing Mandolorian armor, you’ll have plenty of time to insult yourself. “That was so geeky. Argh, misstepping into a sarlacc pit.” Then you are dead. Geek dead.
And that’s it. The 8 geekiest ways to die. Feel free to disagree below or message me directly on twitter @werewolforigin. The End.