Geek Movie Review – Total Recall

I thought I would do my homework for this review and watch the 90s original Total Recall with everyones favourite nanny philanderer, Arnold (can’t act for shit) Schwarzenegger. To be fair to the original, in its day it was probably a very good example of sci-fi, but being a very

charismatic 24 year old, I have to say the original was kind of lost on me, that and the fact I was a little inebriated at the time of viewing. I went into the cinema with very few preconceptions of what to expect from Director Len Wiseman, who is most known to us for directing the Underworld films. A pleasant experience? Or, time to wish Recall would give you some better memories?

The film is based in a post war environment where most of the world is inhospitable due to chemical warfare. The population is split between being citizens of “ the colony” which in habits Australia or of the United Federation of Britain. This creates a social and economical divide where people from the colony commute through the core of the earth to UFB to work in menial jobs, assembling synthetic robots that work in law enforcement. This is the only major plot change and generally stays true to the original script. Douglas Quaid / Hauser (Colin Farrell) Joins Melina (Jessica Biel) the woman of his dreams, literally, in helping the resistance destroying the class divide and getting rid of the humungous dick in charge of it all, Cohaagen.

The film itself was average, plenty of action sequences which made the overall lack of interesting dialog and mediocre acting just about passable. The highlight for me was the CGI, the setting and locations. The colony buildings looking like a game of Tetris getting out of hand, the scaletrix track roads with magnetised cars and a Willy Wonka style glass elevator system, not to forget the tube running through the centre of Earth. These were all amazingly brought to life and gave this tepid film its hot edge.

The one question everyone is dying to know the answer to, that is yes, it has a woman with three tits in it and that along with the great visuals,
I give Total Recall a 3 out of 5.



About Jay Draeger

All round geek with a humorous take on things.
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  1. Only three! Why not five?

  2. I know, you can never have enough tits!

  3. I’m glad you got where that joke was going. I left it vague to see how you would read it.

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