It’s a heated race, and it looks like all eyes are on Ohio as the presidential campaign begins to wind down in these final weeks. Just 27 days until we cast those votes if we haven’t cast them already. The President has taken a huge hit in the polls after last weeks debate where he mostly slept and played Angry Birds instead of actually calling the Governor out on all of his misleading statistics, fabrications, and Oddly New Democrat ideals. “Don’t get me wrong…” President Obama said in a later interview. “I like that Mr. Romney has decided to turn away from the dark side at the last minute like Darth Vader on the Death Star… I have to wonder if this isn’t just him saying whatever it takes to get votes.”
This interview was taken in one of the Presidents rare moments of clarity and brief breaks from Angry Birds. It’s been long known that the Commander and Chief is a huge Angry Birds fanatic and he has expressed his enthusiasm over the Star Wars themed Angry Birds in the future. “If re-elected I’ll do everything possible to protect what this country loves most…Angry Birds.” He said this morning on the campaign trail. He then tried to tie-in the reference to Big Bird which fell a little flat. The President didn’t seem to notice. He had apparently just landed an amazing shot with the ice bird that, “Used gravity wells in a way that was freakin’ genius.” Double fist pump, then he zoned out.
“At least he’s not speaking to an empty chair…” expressed one attendee at the Ohio rally, though their confusion over the President pulling out his phone half way through the speech was evident. “Unlike Gov. Romney I at least know he’s telling the truth… even if it is only about Angry Birds.” The 46-year-old woman then walked off sighing audibly.
Many of the Presidents supporters have expressed a myriad of emotions over his poor performance during the debate. Most have very openly stated that they believe the President is addicted, and this addiction has them very scared for the future. “We DON’T want Romney so very, very badly…” expressed one potential voter. “He has no faith in our country. He won’t even keep his money here, and his family fled the country to practice polygamy! But on the other hand, we can’t have a president so addicted to mobile gaming he won’t even defend himself against lies!”
The Obama camp said on Friday that the President in fact is “not addicted to Angry Birds, doesn’t even use an iPhone he uses a Blackberry which can’t even play mobile games”. This did not have the impact they had hoped (Blackberry sucks but they can play games) the Camp quickly recovered pointing out that Mr. Romney still only uses landlines and believes cell phones are just another form of socialism (it’s true, they are).
“Cell phones connect all people to each other and allow them to share their ideas on SOCIAL networks… if that’s not socialism then what is?” Romney said on the stump this morning. A staff member then briefly explained socialism to him.
One thing is very clear, the President better follow the advice of his Samuel L. Jackson hosted ad and “Wake the **** up!” Because despite the fact the Governor Romney called nearly half the country lazy moochers, and despite the fact that he hides money overseas in order to dodge taxes, and said openly “we won’t let our campaign be controlled by fact checkers…” (implying of course that they lie), he has received a seriously threatening bump after the debate. If Obama does not quote-unquote Wake the **** up! We may well be following the leadership of a man who is only focused on helping half of us. Which equals frowny face for all of us.
The President still leads in Ohio and no Republican has ever won with out taking Ohio, The President is also leading in several other key states and winning very a small margin over all. This hasn’t stopped Dems from peeing themselves in public and sobbing themselves to sleep. Many try to console themselves with the fact that originally Romney was incredibly liberal and cling to the hope that after his sheep skin is removed it will reveal just another sheep. Here’s hoping Dem (now drink).
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